Ushering The Transition

The light of my life and muse of my heart left his body just one month before his 29th birthday.

We spent the last 36 hours of his life acutely heart to heart, watching each other’s every move. The storm battered rain onto the barn as if cocooning us in white noise as the world around us evaporated, and the tenderness of our care became our sole existence. I eased his head to the ground when he got too tired to hold it, and he livened my worry with his nicker of fighting spirit. I stayed vigilant by his stall through the night, and when he gave me the nudge that it was time to say goodbye, God said “we’ve got you, it’s okay to let him go”, and draped a rainbow above the freshly snow dusted mountains behind us.

It is a tremendous honor and epic level of holding to usher one through the transition, knowing where we are headed, while remaining exactly right here. For no other reason than “the voice told me so”, I’ve known for a while that the time was coming as whispers from the future bounced in my ears as a reminder to sink my teeth into the ripe fruit of devotion and approach impending heartbreak with the ferocity of an unhinged woman in irrevocable love, as a service to life and death through unconditional open palms.

To say Harry had a profound effect on me would be an absolute understatement. I give my deepest bow of gratitude to the horse that taught me how to love profusely, adoringly, and unconditionally, and to let go with grace. His humorous and devoted personality brought joy to everyone who met him. If you knew Harry, you know the effervescence of our partnership and the jubilant way we loved one another. And if you were there, you’ll remember as my 12 year old lanky body sat on this young wild animal’s back and he settled, as if saying “Yes, her. I choose this one to be my girl.” He taught me the ultimate dance of living- to lead and be led, to love and be loved, to trust and be trusted, and to show up with full saturation of my adoration through all walks of life. He walked me along the path of stepping into my power and met my unruly tears with his animated kisses that were always at the ready. My earth-side unicorn showed me life embellished with magic and gifted me at a young age, the embodied knowing of how it feels to fly. We were truly, two who became one and I am heartbrokenly honored that I got to be the one he chose to love and be his mama.

Because of his teachings, I have loved and lost more liberally than most, and I’m unsure how to orient myself in the world without him, after choosing to let his rhythm become mine for the 21 years we were together. His transition was quick, graceful, with a flair of the dramatic, and totally drenched in unyielding love- exactly Harry’s and my style. While the grief I feel and the hole in my heart is more vast than I could have ever imagined, I feel free as his spirit is liberated and lovingly tending to my broken heart.

The light has found him, and because of the exuberant way he loved me, I too, found it in me.

🦄 🌈 ✨ ♥️